Showers used to be really relaxing;
now I find I spend most of my time in the shower planning out my strategy for the rest of the day.
You know those days that just seem really fucking thankless?
Today was one of those days.
I worked and worked and pushed that stupid boulder up the hill, only to hear
"Push harder! Also, I think your grip is wrong."
The boulder is a metaphor.
I know this all goes back to my favorite saying as a child:
"It's not fair!"
But sometimes it's just not! And that's exhausting! Communism, man! Everyone works hard and gets exactly the amount they deserve!
There's no jerk bags running around bein' jerks and getting everything anyways!
Except that, there are I guess, and that's why communism doesn't really work.
I just want a gold star. I just want someone that I really admire and aspire to be like,
to pat me on the shoulder and say,
"Good work! You're really working hard and I appreciate that! You've made the right decision in pursuing this career path!"
Until then, I will be very clean and very organized and stressed.
I should be studying right now.